Do you ever feel like your life is a never ending-battle?
I’ve purposely held off from going deep on my blog. Like way down the rabbit hole. But I feel the time is right, and if you’re open enough this will make a massive impact on your life.
What I’m talking about here is super simple….
Your Healthy Ego VS Your Wounded Ego.
The wounded ego feeds off feeling better than the next guy or gal, being prettier, smarter, sexier, skinnier, richer, more desirable, more educated, or more powerful.
It craves more and more of whatever it believes will make it feel as good as or better than the next guy.
As children, roughly from the age of 4-5 we have both counterparts in tact. We can experience the full range of human emotions without the labels of good or bad behaviour. Everything just “Is.”
Ever notice how young kids don’t care if they’re judged? They can sing and laugh in public and they don’t care! Ever see an adult do that?
Then, by the age of five we begin our split. We go through the challenging process of learning duality. Good vs bad. Fat vs skinny. Dark vs light. The list goes on and on. This leads us to separate our healthy ego and create a wounded ego.
Because the wounded ego feels incomplete and inferior without it’s healthy counterpart, it is constantly comparing and assessing how it is doing, how it’s holding up in what it perceives to be the battle called life. This is why you can feel that life’s always handing you a sh*t sandwich.
When the ego is wounded, it desperately tries to repair itself by creating outer circumstances that will make it feel better.
What does all this mean??? Somewhere along the line someone told you that you’re a bad girl, you’re a stupid boy, you don’t deserve success, you’re lazy, or you’ll never amount to anything. For the first time in your life, you experienced a negative association with the full range of your human emotions. You linked “being bad” with pain.
Now, anger, jealously, hate, frustration, or any other supposed “negative” emotion was deemed bad. So you began your journey at a young age for the search of becoming a “good” person. And if you did something “bad,” you would be judged.
If your life feel’s like a never-ending battle it’s because your wounded ego is trying to find a way to connect back to your healthy ego.
Our wounded ego falls into a trap. Believing it’s damaged and flawed, it thinks it’s inherent worth exists on the outside to feel whole, happy, and powerful.
Some egos believe material “things” will prove their worth, others through self-love and seduction, while others find ways to create money and power to try and bring themselves back to wholeness.
The nature of the emotional wounds that caused the split in the first place will determine what each person’s ego will seek to relieve it’s pain. It does all of this in hopes to satisfy its hunger and meet its need to feel loved and approved.
The wounded ego will have us chase money, even if it means robbing, cheating or lying to achieve it. Maybe power is the cure, landing you a secure job as the head honcho to control and manipulate others. All of these acts are done in hope to feel loved and approved of. What the wounded ego only wants.
Here’s the tricky part on why often we feel life is a struggle. Consequences are not considered from our wounded egos, because “the split” leaves us arrogant or distorted between fantasy and reality. Which sucks, because we become blind to our own behaviour!
THE COSMIC PARADOX: We cannot see our behaviours. We become a slave to our own wounded egos distorted desires.
The challenge becomes no matter what the wounded ego achieves, it will always fall short. This is because the fulfillment our wounded ego is searching for on the outside, only exists in the inner world. It’s ultimately seeking to return BACK to it’s healthy counterpart, the healthy ego.
Our damaged egos live for love, acceptance, and approval whereas our higher self is whole, pure and authentic and doesn’t want or need to be more.
Let’s understand both
THE HEALTHY EGO
It’s perfect. Whole. Complete. Doesn’t want for more
It is unlimited, pure and authentic
Never has to look for anything on the outside
It doesn’t care if it’s recognized or noticed
It’s happy just as it is and has no judgements towards itself
THE WOUNDED EGO
Feeds off recognition
Wants the big prize at all costs
Basis it’s fulfilment and happiness on outer experiences
On a continual quest to prove that it’s more important, respected, admired, and successful than everyone else
Here’s the Secret, we need both. Both the wounded and the healthy ego work together. It’s not about eliminating or changing the “bad” parts of yourself. It’s about embracing them and using them as your gifts. I recommend you read up on my “Projection” post. This is one of our only ways to discover how the wounded ego is controlling our lives.
Since the wounded ego only wants to be loved and reunited with it’s healthy counterpart, the more love and awareness you can bring to your wounded ego the less you’ll feel life is a constant battle, and you’ll begin to enjoy all aspects of life being connected with a purpose from the divine.
If you insist on living as a SMALL expression of your TRUE Self…
You will have to work in jobs you hate with people you can’t stand
Smile when you don’t feel like smiling
Get extra degrees to prove you’re smart
Wear clothes that are too tight to get some attention
Cheat people to convince yourself you’re successful
Have sex with people you don’t know or don’t love
Push around those weaker than you
Blurt out racial slurs
Get into relationships that break your heart
Pretend you’re nice, when you’re not
Keep your mouth shut when you feel like speaking out
Indulge in addictions that destroy your spirit
Blow up business deals
Puff up your feathers and pretend to be something you’re not
The hardest person to blame for our results is ourselves. Before I began my entrepreneurial career in 2007 I was in a constant state of blame of everyone else, but me.
It was my friends fault, my families fault my job’s fault, it was God’s fault. I was stuck in life because of everyone else but me. Eventually I realized I was stuck in life because of my own choices, and I took responsibility.
However, I ran into another road block because now I wasn’t forgiving myself. You may take responsibility for your life, but are you still playing victim?
Learn from today’s Wounded Ego Mask and enjoy!
THE VICTIM
The Victim is the poster child for “Woe is me.” “I can’t believe that happened to me again” is their mantra. They have chosen the painful path of the powerless prey unable to get out of the way of abuse, whether it originates from others or from themselves.
They can sniff out a bad situation and then, instead of avoiding it, walk right into it to ensure they can wear their crown of victimhood for yet another span of time. The Victim can rarely see how they participate in the creation of what you or I might consider unfortunate circumstances.
Being wounded at a young age, and more often than not severely victimized by someone they loved, they sealed their fate with the disheartening and life-draining belief that they are helpless and powerless and that life is a painful place.
The attention they seek from being victimized becomes their underlying commitment. Not feeling worthy of being loved for anything besides the pity they conjure up from being victimized, they are in a constant state of chaos and feel helpless to do anything about their bad luck.
Pity is something they both love and abhor. They love it because it gives them the much needed attention they won’t give themselves, and they abhor it because they live in a constant state of stress and anxiety over the adverse circumstances that seem to follow them everywhere.
And just incase you’re thinking that they are all limping around looking frumpy, wounded, and beaten down, you should know that The Victim is sometimes disguised as a high-functioning successful person who appears to have it all; however, the quiet aching inside them robs them of the joy of their success. “Poor me” is the stamp that every Victim wears across their forehead.
THE VICTIM’S SHAME
Unlovable, unworthy of happiness, helpless, sad, powerless, resigned
THE VICTIM’S CHALLENGE
The Victim’s challenge is to take responsibility for the way in which they have participated, consciously or unconsciously, in the unfortunate events of their lives. By claiming ownership of what they do have control over, they begin to see themselves as the designer of their own destiny.
To penetrate the mask of victimhood, The Victim needs to be honest about what they get out of wearing this crown and then decide for themselves that the payoff is no longer worth the cost.
– Debbie Ford
Can you see it now? Either in others or yourself?
If we walk the path of The Victim, we’ll always be giving our power away and not taking full responsibility of our lives.
I started marketing through Social Media in 2006. My motto was, “fake it till you make it.” Heard of it before? Well, it was an absolute fail. Mostly because the people who do the best through Social Media are the ones who are the most authentic. And I was far from. Simply because I believed other people wouldn’t receive the real me well.
After a few months I felt like a failure. But from the outside I looked like a massive success. Still though, throughout the day I could feel all of my shadows eating at me, telling me to push forward and continue to hide the person nobody knew about except Kris Britton.
It’s great lessons to learn along the path of success. I explain more detail in today’s video.
Quote Of The Day
“Your life will be transformed when you make peace with your shadow. The caterpillar will become a breathtakingly beautiful butterfly. You will no longer have to pretend to be someone you’re not. You will no longer have to prove you’re good enough. When you embrace your shadow you will no longer have to life in fear. Find the gifts of your shadow and you will finally revel in all the glory of your true self. Then you will have the freedom to create the life you have always desired. ― Debbie Ford
So I’ve included a little QUIZ for you. 😉
Choose one of the following answers that’s best suited for who you truly are. Please answer TRUTHFULLY! I’ll be using this info for further marketing purposes too.
Imagine that your life is a house with many rooms. Some rooms you like, some you feel ashamed of. How many people do you allow to see all your rooms?
A. Nobody
B. One signifigant person – a spouse, lover, best friend.
C. A small handful of people who know me that well
D. There are many people in my life who know me that well
Leave your answer by commenting below….
In total Gratitude,
Ryan
PS: If you could also let me know how you’re liking the new content and blog??
It’s the opposite of what you’ve been chasing. Instead of going into the light, we’re going to dive into the darkness from your past….and embrace it.
After working with thousands of people over the last six years I’ve heard all kinds of reasons why people feel they’re “stuck” in their business.
I don’t have the time or money. I’m just too comfortable where I am. I procrastinate. There is something wrong with me. It’s too much work.
On the surface I used to think, “just get over it! Change your story! Make a decision and your life will change!” But it’s not that simple….
Even though we know why we’re stuck, we remain bound to the same results. So we question our business, our skills, our leadership and maybe even if we’re cut out for success. Everything seems be to an uphill battle of stress and challenges.
So we become “light chasers” believing new opportunities will give us what we’ve been searching for. A feeling of emptiness that success is ever eluding our grasps. The shadow belief that success will ease the pain we’re running from. If only I could become more successful it will fix all the problems within my life, and of myself.
The Success Shadow is very simple. All of your true potential and power exists in your past shadows that you’ve avoid, suppressed or tried to hide from yourself or others. This could be actual event’s that you’ve tried to run away or hide from because you were ashamed or fearful others would judge you for. It could also be suppressed emotions from something as simple as your parents telling you, “don’t touch that! Don’t do that! What did you just do?!” Stepping out of your power and creating a Shadow belief that says, “I’m not worthy and I’m not good enough.”
Over the years I’ve learned (including myself!) most people have a Shadow belief that says “I’m not good enough” with an Ego that screams “I’m going to prove to the world I AM good enough.”
All of your gifts exist in your shadow. It’s your natural talents and ability to contribute to the world with why you’re here.
I encourage you to take the exercise below and begin to discover your shadows. The Universe is always showing us…US. So by understanding this process you can better begin to embrace aspects of your life that are stopping your right now from reaching your full potential within your life.
This exercise will take you through the wonderful gift of projection. The easiest way to help you shed some light on your shadow. Whatever we see in others, is in fact what we dislike, or like about ourselves.
It is my mission day after day to find new ways to inspire others to go on this lifelong journey to clean up their past, to forgive themselves for their flaws and shortcomings, to make peace with their humanity, to open up to their divinity and allow themselves to be guided by a power greater than themselves. – Debbie Ford
EXERCISE:
This week invest time into identifying your shadow. Before we can see what is holding you back in business, we have to bring light to your darkness.
1. For the next 7 days be aware of how you judge others. Any name calling, negative feelings or gossip towards others is always a projection of our internal selfs. Our words and thoughts are a mirror, giving us back the shadow beliefs what we think of ourselves.
On the flip side, think of the positive traits you notice about others. From courage to confidence whatever positive projections you see about others, are also a mirror of aspects within ourselves we admire (and may be buried deep within our shadows.)
2. What advice are you giving to others? Often the advice we’re telling our close friends, family and co-workers is a reminder for us to do the same. If you read others Facebook posts you’ll notice a common thread of indiviudals struggling with their businesses, yet offering advice to grow a successful business. In more cases then not, that person is projecting the advice to themselves unconsciously. I know I still have to catch myself to this day. Am I providing advice to people with my status or is it simply a message to myself of something I’m not doing?
In Gratitude,
Ryan
PS: I cannot wait to read your comments below, so be sure to post up your shadow beliefs!
