I’m here in my home town of Vancouver, BC Canada sitting in a Starbucks writing to you on a Monday morning.
I’m drinking my Green Tea and thinking of the 3 Invisible Signs that keep business owners stuck, frustrated and confused on how to grow their business.
Fear Of Rejection.
Fear Of Rejection.
Fear Of Rejection.
Okay, so maybe just one thing. Lol. But it’s TRUE right?
In my first year of business this was really hard for me. I’ve learned to “manage” it now, since I can guarantee you it will never go away.
I used to think…
“If I talk to that person about my business, they probably won’t take me seriously because I’m not making much money myself!”
“What if this person thinks I’m selling them, and the conversation gets weird!”
I started digging into why this happens, and what I can do to overcome it.
If you’re fearing rejection, it’s stemming from something deeper than just someone rejecting your business.
You’re really fearing them rejecting you.
Like the time you wanted to ask out that guy/ or girl and they shot you down. OUCH.
Like the time you had a great idea in class at high school, raised your hand and shared your idea only to have the entire class and teacher laugh at you. STUPID IDEA.
Like the time you wanted the brand new Barbie doll or GI Joe as a child and your parents told you, “No we can’t afford it.” I NEVER GET WHAT I WANT.
Are you starting to understand?
You’re walking around with an incredible business to change peoples lives while dragging behind you five suitcases packed with the fears of rejection from your past.
Because somebody shot you down.
These are the invisible signs that you fear rejection.
I call it our shadow beliefs. The great Carl Jung said, “the shadow is all the parts of ourselves we would rather not be.”
In other words, you’ll avoid doing the “work” to sign-up people into your business because of the rejection from your painful past.
Maybe you started your business because unconsciously you felt “Success will bring you happiness.”
The truth is, until AND ONLY until you learn to dig into these invisible signs of your fear of rejection you’ll struggle to change your life.
Invisible Sign #1
You’re A People Pleaser.
If someone rejects you, then chances are it will shatter your world of that person liking you. Removing your people pleasing status quo.
So the voice goes off in your head, DO NOT TALK TO THEM ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS!!
Stop this. I have plenty of people that hated and rejected me at first. Now they love me and can’t thank them enough for helping them get life changing results.
Invisible Sign #2
You’re The Nice Guy/Girl
You have the facade of being super nice. Never pushing people, never getting into confrontations, and avoiding challenging conversations.
Life is a bowl full of cherries!
If you’re doing this, you may be afraid of people seeing you as anything but NICE.
Challenge people and stop being so nice. Don’t mistake being nice, with caring. You can still care for people, but challenge them on why their broke, stuck, unhealthy and frustrated.
If you’re feeling this, you’ve likely had an experience in your past of voicing your opinion only to be shutdown by someone you cared about.
Invisible Sign #3
Living In Your Fear Story
You’re projecting into the future all the possibilities of NEGATIVE and PAINFUL emotionally charged feelings that could happen IF you bring your business up.
Notice I said IF. Because it hasn’t happened yet. You’re projecting the outcome before it’s even happened.
I find this most common inside our industry.
Go in with a “neutral” outlook. I don’t like to go in with a negative or even positive potential outcome.
I go in with a neutral outcome because this allows me to not be attached to a specific yes or no as to whether they’ll sign up.
You’ll experience A LOT less of an emotional roller coaster ride with this approach.
Well my time is up at Starbucks and my butt is sore from sitting! Lol
I’d love to hear your comments and thoughts on your biggest take away.
Please like and share with your friends!
I’m writing this to you just hours before speaking in front of 50+ business owners about mindset. The catch? I found out I’m training these amazing people just 24 hours ago!
This got me thinking.
What is my intention heading into this training. Am I focused on serving and helping others, or am I focused on my own fears of rejection?
If you’re anything like me, I’m always concerned if people will like me. In fact, this is something I’ve struggled with for years inside business.
It’s a people pleasing mentality surrounding the fear of rejection.
“What if these people don’t vibe with me and they don’t like me?”
“What if it’s awkward because I just don’t have enough knowledge yet?”
These are the kinds of fears that keep us broke, stuck and frustrated with life. Because we’re not focused on other people. We’re focused on “I”.
So I would love to know, will this help you?
If you take you’re focus off “I” and onto solving other people’s problems will that make an impact in your business?
Remember that the most successful entrepreneurs of the world solve problems.
PS: If you enjoyed the video be sure to share this video with your friends!
Great question right? You may be taking advice from the wrong people, even though it seems like it’s helping you.
Check out today’s video on where I get my advice, and how I’m very selective who I listen to.
The first rule: Don’t take advice from broke people. That might sound trite and simple, maybe a little blunt, but allow me to explain.
Let’s say you were trying to lose 20 pounds.
Would you seriously seek out the advice of someone who had struggled – and lost – their battle with weight?
So when it comes to money, take the advice of a successful investor not the advice of a family member or friend with a “hot tip,” no matter how good it sounds.
Until the next post my friend! Please share away and comment below!
How many times have you said yes when all you really wanted to do was say/shout no?
How many times have you handed your power over to someone or something only to find out that you sold your soul for nothing?
How many times have you told yourself, “I can’t. I’m not strong enough. I’m not worthy enough to be all that I desire to be.”?
Great words from one of our mentors, Debbie Ford.
If you’re anything like me, you’ve had times where you felt like a complete failure. You look at what others have achieved, compared it to your life and felt small.
I believe if we can dig to the depth of our souls, find the space where our true courage exists, we can achieve anything we desire in life.
Now is the time to claim your most courageous and confident self and give yourself the life you deserve.
By god, when you see your beauty, you’ll be the idol of yourself. – Rumi
5 WAYS TO IGNITE YOUR COURAGE
1. Embrace Your Past
We’ve all got baggage. Use it to your full advantage. Don’t hide or deny it from others or yourself. The gifts for you to help others exists in the past you’re hiding in your shadows. Restore your confidence and your courage by releasing the emotional baggage of your past which is killing off your passion, your purpose and your strength.
2. Reclaim Your Power
Be a magnet for love, success and all the riches you deserve. When did you feel the most courageous in your past? When did you feel like you could achieve anything? Go back to that moment in time and recognize how you felt within yourself. Is it different than how you feel today? Move from victim to victor in the areas of your life where you feel limited.
3. Get Around Successful People
The fastest way to go from Zero to Hero is to change your environment. Surround yourself with people who don’t feel like failures. When I was at one of my lowest points in life, I drained my savings to enroll in a six month personal development course at the price of $3,000. It opened the doors to surround myself with positive, exciting, motivated and authentic people.
If you can’t afford it, make a commitment to attend free personal development seminars and lectures.
4. Expect Miracles
Step into the grace and flow of the miracles that life is offering you by bringing a profound new understanding and appreciation to your past and all the experiences you’ve had.
5. Create A Fresh Vision
Embrace your creative imagination and access a future greater than what your human eyes can see today. Be sourced for the future as you step into a high-powered partnership with the Divine. What do you want your life to look like in all areas? If you feel like a failure, what is creating that feeling? What would you have to achieve to feel the opposite in life?
Ok, I rarely do this however I feel if you want change, you need to get into action. So here’s your homework this week.
Ask a friend or family member when they saw you the most courageous in your past. When did they feel you were in your place of power?
Take action on that today my friend. Chat soon.
Do you ever feel like your life is a never ending-battle?
I’ve purposely held off from going deep on my blog. Like way down the rabbit hole. But I feel the time is right, and if you’re open enough this will make a massive impact on your life.
What I’m talking about here is super simple….
Your Healthy Ego VS Your Wounded Ego.
The wounded ego feeds off feeling better than the next guy or gal, being prettier, smarter, sexier, skinnier, richer, more desirable, more educated, or more powerful.
It craves more and more of whatever it believes will make it feel as good as or better than the next guy.
As children, roughly from the age of 4-5 we have both counterparts in tact. We can experience the full range of human emotions without the labels of good or bad behaviour. Everything just “Is.”
Ever notice how young kids don’t care if they’re judged? They can sing and laugh in public and they don’t care! Ever see an adult do that?
Then, by the age of five we begin our split. We go through the challenging process of learning duality. Good vs bad. Fat vs skinny. Dark vs light. The list goes on and on. This leads us to separate our healthy ego and create a wounded ego.
Because the wounded ego feels incomplete and inferior without it’s healthy counterpart, it is constantly comparing and assessing how it is doing, how it’s holding up in what it perceives to be the battle called life. This is why you can feel that life’s always handing you a sh*t sandwich.
When the ego is wounded, it desperately tries to repair itself by creating outer circumstances that will make it feel better.
What does all this mean??? Somewhere along the line someone told you that you’re a bad girl, you’re a stupid boy, you don’t deserve success, you’re lazy, or you’ll never amount to anything. For the first time in your life, you experienced a negative association with the full range of your human emotions. You linked “being bad” with pain.
Now, anger, jealously, hate, frustration, or any other supposed “negative” emotion was deemed bad. So you began your journey at a young age for the search of becoming a “good” person. And if you did something “bad,” you would be judged.
If your life feel’s like a never-ending battle it’s because your wounded ego is trying to find a way to connect back to your healthy ego.
Our wounded ego falls into a trap. Believing it’s damaged and flawed, it thinks it’s inherent worth exists on the outside to feel whole, happy, and powerful.
Some egos believe material “things” will prove their worth, others through self-love and seduction, while others find ways to create money and power to try and bring themselves back to wholeness.
The nature of the emotional wounds that caused the split in the first place will determine what each person’s ego will seek to relieve it’s pain. It does all of this in hopes to satisfy its hunger and meet its need to feel loved and approved.
The wounded ego will have us chase money, even if it means robbing, cheating or lying to achieve it. Maybe power is the cure, landing you a secure job as the head honcho to control and manipulate others. All of these acts are done in hope to feel loved and approved of. What the wounded ego only wants.
Here’s the tricky part on why often we feel life is a struggle. Consequences are not considered from our wounded egos, because “the split” leaves us arrogant or distorted between fantasy and reality. Which sucks, because we become blind to our own behaviour!
THE COSMIC PARADOX: We cannot see our behaviours. We become a slave to our own wounded egos distorted desires.
The challenge becomes no matter what the wounded ego achieves, it will always fall short. This is because the fulfillment our wounded ego is searching for on the outside, only exists in the inner world. It’s ultimately seeking to return BACK to it’s healthy counterpart, the healthy ego.
Our damaged egos live for love, acceptance, and approval whereas our higher self is whole, pure and authentic and doesn’t want or need to be more.
Let’s understand both
THE HEALTHY EGO
- It’s perfect. Whole. Complete. Doesn’t want for more
- It is unlimited, pure and authentic
- Never has to look for anything on the outside
- It doesn’t care if it’s recognized or noticed
- It’s happy just as it is and has no judgements towards itself
THE WOUNDED EGO
- Feeds off recognition
- Wants the big prize at all costs
- Basis it’s fulfilment and happiness on outer experiences
- On a continual quest to prove that it’s more important, respected, admired, and successful than everyone else
Here’s the Secret, we need both. Both the wounded and the healthy ego work together. It’s not about eliminating or changing the “bad” parts of yourself. It’s about embracing them and using them as your gifts. I recommend you read up on my “Projection” post. This is one of our only ways to discover how the wounded ego is controlling our lives.
Since the wounded ego only wants to be loved and reunited with it’s healthy counterpart, the more love and awareness you can bring to your wounded ego the less you’ll feel life is a constant battle, and you’ll begin to enjoy all aspects of life being connected with a purpose from the divine.
If you insist on living as a SMALL expression of your TRUE Self…
You will have to work in jobs you hate with people you can’t stand
Smile when you don’t feel like smiling
Get extra degrees to prove you’re smart
Wear clothes that are too tight to get some attention
Cheat people to convince yourself you’re successful
Have sex with people you don’t know or don’t love
Push around those weaker than you
Blurt out racial slurs
Get into relationships that break your heart
Pretend you’re nice, when you’re not
Keep your mouth shut when you feel like speaking out
Indulge in addictions that destroy your spirit
Blow up business deals
Puff up your feathers and pretend to be something you’re not
Spend money you don’t have
and suffer the pain of being your own worst enemy
What’s your take on this?
How many times have you felt yourself shrink?
How many times have you made yourself small enough to fit into some role?
How many times have you kept your mouth shut when you wanted to speak out or handed over your power to someone who didn’t have your best interests at heart?
How many times have you told yourself, “I can’t. I’m not strong enough. I’m not courageous or confident enough to be all that I desire to be?”
1. EMBRACE IT
Fear is built into our human operating system. It is a useful emotion that has gone seriously awry. Fear can make us choose what we believe will keep us safe even when the opposite is true. Learn to embrace the scary aspects of your fear.
2. FIND THE GIFT
Fear can make us believe that we can’t do it, we are wrong, the cost is too high, the path ahead too difficult. Fear disguises itself with the voice of certainty, filling us with worry, doubt, and even dread. Fear is a very real emotion that can render us powerless. What’s the gift behind these emotions?
2. CHOOSE LOVE
Every time fear wins, you lose. Every time you choose fear, you lose sight of your highest aspirations. You fall prey to being controlled by your history rather than rise to the future that you desire and deserve.